Back on the wagon

-2 pounds.

I tried really hard this week.  And it felt great.  I snacked minimally, and worked to prepare for those times when I know I'm most likely to be weak.  After last week's "wake up gain," I really started thinking about the times and places that I'm most likely to cheat, and planned out ways to work around those.

For example, most days, I get off at 1 PM, and when I get off, I'm usually pretty hungry.  But, I also tend to run errands, like picking up milk or stopping by Target, since these places are right next to work and/or on the way home.  And its these times when I'm most likely to grab an egg roll at Safeway or get another coffee to satisfy my hunger before I get home and have lunch.  So in the morning, I simply throw an extra fiber one bar in my purse, and before I go shopping after work, I sat in my car and ate the snack with some water.  Problem solved!  I'm no longer ravishingly hungry, and go about my errands!

Work has been another HUGE problem spot for me.  My managers have been working to "appreciate" us, and they do this primarily with food.  LOTS of food.  LOTS of Doritos, candy, ice cream, cookie dough, fried chicken, pizza, cupcakes, and the list goes on and on.  I'll admit I haven't been on the defense when it comes to these situations, and would have a bite here or a cupcake there.  Not a good plan, especially considering a handful of Doritos usually leads to another handful.

So, I put a box of Triscuits in my locker, and some laughing cow cheese squares in the fridge.  I generally bring a snack with me for my breaks anyways, but sometimes the snacks on the table look better than my one ounce bag of baked chips or fruit and nut bar.  This week, when I got a temptation to eat what was on the table, I went and grabbed my back-up locker food instead.  I know that may sound silly to some people, but it worked for me.  *shrugs*  Sometimes I think my brain isn't wired like "normal eaters" brains, and therefore have to go to extra efforts into "tricking" it into thinking its getting a treat. 

I did one work out routine on the TV on Monday (that required lots of lunges, uggghh), and on Wednesday, I walked to the train station in Tukwila instead of driving to it for the Sounders game.  (4 miles, woot woot!)

Oh, and the Sounders game?  I rocked it.  I brought a PB&J and some chips with me to the game and ate them before going inside.  I got my usually 2 mini pretzels (WITHOUT dipping cheese!), and then ate a fiber one bar later when I got a craving for popcorn.  At the games lately, I've been over indulging in a small nacho here or a bite of hot dog there, so I was super proud of myself for preparing for my food cravings and overcoming them.

I'm coming to realize more and more that my journey is more mental than anything else.  I started reading a different book titled "Hungry," which I've really enjoyed because the author is honest, but not self-loathing.  He talks about how his struggle with food is only 10% about food, and 90% about the spiritual and emotional needs that he tries to fill with the food he eats.  It makes a lot of sense.  :)

Current weight: 163.1
Weight loss to be less than the hubby: 8

I suck

 +1.8 lbs.  What the effffff....

I know I haven't been extraordinary excellent at working out lately, but a cupcake at work and some handfuls of starburst shouldn't yield this amount of suck.  I swear I'll I've been eating lately is brown rice, turkey sandwiches, and cereal.

Buhhhhh...frustrated.  This is disappointing, but I'm trying to not feel bad about myself, for fear that the bad feelings will just result in further weight gain.  Because honestly, lately I've been feeling pretty shitty about myself.  That I can't do this, and that even if I do, I will still look like shit in a bikini.  (I don't even necessarily want to wear a bikini, so who cares about that?  I don't.  I don't know what my point was.)


I'm doing this because I want to be healthy, to not have a heart attack, and to avoid diabetes.  I hate the social stigmas of being fat as well, but that should not be my number one motivation for getting thin.

I also don't need anymore "inspirational" fat literature either.  In the end, "Designated Fat Girl" just made me feel worse about myself, and made me hate the author (even though she ended up getting the weight loss surgery, she didn't learn anything from the experience, and still eats like shit!  How uninspiring is that?)  I picked up another book called "The Religion of Thinness" which just confused the shit out of me because all it talked about was how women are victims are society, and none of us need to diet at all!  Also not a message I needed nor want.  Isn't that a happy medium somewhere?  Haha, stupid books.

I apologize for saying shit like 4 times in this entry.  I'm just frustrated.  I need to get up and move, and apparently stop eating cupcakes.

Current weight: 165.1
Weight loss to be less than the hubby: 10

hiking! :)

+0.4 lb.

I weighed myself on Friday morning, and that's what I got.  Its totally okay though, because I gave blood last week, and I found it hard to believe I gave away a pint of my blood AND lost 1.3 pounds last week.  A little blip, but nothing huge.  And there were TWO sounders games and a pub visit last week, so I'm lucky....lol.  :)  Oooo...I just remember the pub Justin and I went to last weekend.  The Pike Restaurant and Brewery--HIGHLY recommended!  Justin and I shared a hummus appetezier and got the Margarita pizza (very light, with just cheese, basil, and sauce).  Overall a VERY tasty dinner, and I think it was a pretty good choice food wise as well.  The beer sampler, probably not so much, but I shared with Justin, and their beer was SUPER good as well.  :)

Justin and I went hiking yesterday, and it was amazing!  3 miles up, and 3 miles down, with a BEAUTIFUL lake at the top (complete with snow!) to gaze at.  Its called Annette Lake, and its up near Snoqualmie.  Absolutely beautiful, but also WAYYYY too cold to even consider getting in.  I can't imagine how hot it would have to be to get in that water, but I definitely wanted to anyways....hahah.



Justin and I on our way up to Lake Annette



At Lake Annette--Look at all the snow!  :)



Happy 4th everyone!  Usually I would be freaking out about how I'm going to mess up my diet at a BBQ, but alas, we have no plans today.

I hardly close at all this coming week, so I definitely plan on walking a whole bunch!  I'm determined to see an awesome number come up on the scale next week!  :)  

Oh, and I added pictures to one of my previous entries of Justin and me hiking to Poo Poo Point!  :)

Current weight: 163.3

Weight loss to be less than the hubby: 8.2