I suck

 +1.8 lbs.  What the effffff....

I know I haven't been extraordinary excellent at working out lately, but a cupcake at work and some handfuls of starburst shouldn't yield this amount of suck.  I swear I'll I've been eating lately is brown rice, turkey sandwiches, and cereal.

Buhhhhh...frustrated.  This is disappointing, but I'm trying to not feel bad about myself, for fear that the bad feelings will just result in further weight gain.  Because honestly, lately I've been feeling pretty shitty about myself.  That I can't do this, and that even if I do, I will still look like shit in a bikini.  (I don't even necessarily want to wear a bikini, so who cares about that?  I don't.  I don't know what my point was.)


I'm doing this because I want to be healthy, to not have a heart attack, and to avoid diabetes.  I hate the social stigmas of being fat as well, but that should not be my number one motivation for getting thin.

I also don't need anymore "inspirational" fat literature either.  In the end, "Designated Fat Girl" just made me feel worse about myself, and made me hate the author (even though she ended up getting the weight loss surgery, she didn't learn anything from the experience, and still eats like shit!  How uninspiring is that?)  I picked up another book called "The Religion of Thinness" which just confused the shit out of me because all it talked about was how women are victims are society, and none of us need to diet at all!  Also not a message I needed nor want.  Isn't that a happy medium somewhere?  Haha, stupid books.

I apologize for saying shit like 4 times in this entry.  I'm just frustrated.  I need to get up and move, and apparently stop eating cupcakes.

Current weight: 165.1
Weight loss to be less than the hubby: 10