so far so good.

-1.5 pounds.  woot woot!

I've been weighing on Friday mornings, and I don't generally have time to talk about my feelings and food recipes when I've got to run off to school.

I've been hitting the fruit hard.  :)  Banana everyday during recess, and always some type of fruit that goes with my lunch (and there's usually veggies in there too!)  I know this has been a majority of my success thus far--not eating processed shit, so here's to hoping I keep on enjoying papaya.  :)  The farmer's market down the street is my new best friend.

My new favorite food is a kale salad with celery and cucumbers.  On top I throw leftover taco meat from the night before with sweet thai chili sauce as a dressing.  It is SOOOO good.  :)

I'm two pounds away from the weight I was at when I starting weight watchers LAST time.  Then 9 more pounds after that to get to where I was before I started juicing.  Oye, I'm not going to get it all off before Butters' wedding, but hopefully, I'll be at least 6 more pounds down by the time we head home.  (I bought my bridesmaid dress in Vegas, in November, and that bitch needs to fit!)

Running...I've so been sucking at it.  Only been going once a week.  Not exactly a way to train for a 5K.  Fuck.  I get home from work and I make dinner for Justin and then I pass out.  I always think, "I'll run tomorrow, and everyday after that."  Until tomorrow comes.  buhhhh.  Need to be better with that.

Some recipes I've tried lately:

This is pretty weird, but actually kind of good.  It's "pancakes," but you mash up bananas and mix them with an egg and then cook them like a pancake.  I threw strawberries in mine, but blueberries would be amazing too.  I put peanut butter on mine, and it was actually good.  It doesn't really TASTE like pancakes, but the texture is there. :)

I've been making these stuffed quinoa peppers for quite awhile.  Justin loves them.  The other day I replaced the quinoa with ground turkey...oh my goodness it was soooo good.  Now that is Justin's new favorite food.  And I feel like they were even more filling then with the quinoa.

I've got some Grey's Anatomy to catch up on.  :)

current weight: 154
Next mini goal: 1 lb to go!

Bell peppers all day long

-1.5 pounds.

I have recipes to share, but I have to drive to school now.

I'll edit later.  :)

current weight: 155.5
Next mini goal: 2.5 lbs to go!

On a rolllll.

Down two more pounds.  

Only ran once this week.  Need to do better with that, or that 5k is going to destroy me next month.

current weight: 157
Next mini goal: 4 pounds

food food food

 I made some green juice earlier for lunch.  I forgot how yummy it was.
2 bunchs of kale
2 green apples
4 celery stalks
1 cucumber
1/2 lemon

I drank it and then drove with Justin to work.  The Shops at Wailea is 3.2 miles from our apartment.  I walk/ran home!  I ran 1.2 miles of the trek.  Walked the rest.  Towards the end the outside of my thighs were KILLING me.  The massage therapist I saw awhile back said it was potassium buildup, and that I need to stretch and hydrate more.  Or maybe the pain was the fat burning away?  Lol, a girl can hope, right?

Yesterday, I saw a facebook post from a friend of mine, Chelsea.  She had taken the pulp from her green juice and formed it into patties and made a burger out of it.  I HAD to try this.

I grabbed my veggies out of the fridge from earlier today and mixed them with an egg.  I formed two of them into patties and dropped them in the George Foreman.  I got a little ahead of myself, and opened it too soon.  This is what I saw:

 Oops.  So I scraped the top back onto the bottoms and cooked them for another few minutes.

When I thought they were nice and brown, I pulled them off, and threw a corn tortilla in a little bit of olive oil on the stove.  For now, I've given up on all kinds of bread, gluten-free or otherwise, until I can figure out why its making me sick.

I put a piece of colby jack on the patty, topped it with teriyaki sauce, and tucked it inside the crispy corn tortilla.  You guys, it was yummy!!  :)
When I texted Justin, he let me know that I was going to poop myself, since the veggies is pure fiber.  Haha, thanks hunny.

Yesterday, I tried out a new pinterest recipe that I found.  It was for bruschetta chicken.  Also pretty good.  Half the pan was 8 weight watchers points.  The recipe did call for the chicken to be coated in flour.  I think next time I'll skip it, or maybe use something else.  Another pinner suggest using crushed nuts or something of that nature.  I think that would be yummy too, and would make it gluten-free.
You can find the recipe here.  Also, marinating the chicken beforehand is a MUST.  Otherwise you have bland chicken with yummy bruschetta on top.  :)

hungry for change

When I came here last to lament about my latest failings, I was at 148.

Apparently it takes a bit more weight gain to get my attention.  I weighed in earlier this week at 161.  uggghhhhhh.  so fat.  Time to once again take control of my body and my life, and stay on the path to healthiness.

I watched a food documentary on Netlix last week called Hungry for Change.  The movie talked about how most Americans go about their lives eating and eating and eating, but that our bodies are still hungry.  Hungry for the vitamins and nutrients that most of the foods we eat lack.

I want to focus more on that....on holistic eating.  I feel like I've said that before.  I know I have.  But I'm also thinking that focusing more on my overall health is more important than my weight.  I get fixated on my weight, on the numbers.  But no matter how skinny I am, it won't mean I'm healthy.  In these past months, I have been eating crap.  And because I haven't been healthy, my weight has increased.  So once again, I'm getting back to basics, eating more fruits and veggies, and the weight loss will happen right along with it.

I re-signed up for Weight Watchers on Tuesday.  This morning I was down 2 pounds. I think my body is rejoicing...haha.  Its silly that I need a program to tell me not to eat too much, but I guess that's what I need.  I'm a lifer.

As soon as I get over this sickness, I start running again.  I already signed up for the Maui 5K in April.  I have quite a bit of catching up to do, but I'm going to do it.  I want to be able to at least jog the whole thing.  No walking!

My next mini goal is 153.

current weight: 159
Next mini goal: 6 pounds

my body.

My last blog post was nearly 4 months ago.

In that time, I've gained 10 pounds.  Fuck.

I could feel my size 8's getting uncomfortable.  Feel my stomach getting a little bigger.  Apparently that is the first place the weight heads back too.  The place that is hardest to get rid it off.  I feel like my face is a bit more round than it has been.  My cheeks are not as refined. 

Back when I juiced, I got down to 133 pounds.  I was elated.  On top of the world.  I also hadn't eaten in a week, and hadn't had bread in quite awhile either.  Looking back, I'm mad at myself for doing what I always criticize other people for doing.  That is, doing a fad diet, or a temporary fix.  I can hear myself saying, "They'll only gain it back plus more."  And low and behold, here we are.

I'm not blaming my downfall on juicing.  I've been breaking down for awhile now.  I canceled my weight watchers subscription because I had stopped using it.  I didn't need to pay $18.95 a month for something I wasn't using.  I told myself, "I'll take a break, regroup, and then I'll want to get back on the program."  Except that was nearly 2 months ago, and I'm still not "ready."

Not only have I been struggling with food intake, mostly portion size and control, but I have gotten unbelievable lazy!  I want to work out, I want to get fit.  But that need is slightly less than the need to stop watching Nip/Tuck, to go for a walk, a run, whatever.  I have been SO inactive.  I feel like the weight gain may not have been as intense if I was at least still walking most nights.  I teach, and then I come home and plant myself in the living room.  Ew.  Disappointing.

So tonight, I'm done saying, saying, saying.  I signed up for the new gym in town.  Paid 40 bucks for a month's membership, and because I'm paying it for, I'm using it!  Its small, but 24 hours, and all the equipment is new.  The past couple of days I've been trying to eat less, to not feel sick after I was done eating.  Because I've literally been eating too much, and I know it!  I guess that's the part that makes me feel most sad--I'm sitting there, I know I'm full, but I finish my plate.  I haven't had the issue in awhile.  Fuck.

And now I have a gym that I'm going to go to once a day.  I love the gym.  I miss WSU's SO much.  I love to jog on the treadmill and watch TV.  Use the elliptical and listen to bad music with good beats.

My challenge for the next 2 weeks:  Go to the gym everyday.  Because its 24 hours, I have no excuse.  We're heading off to Vegas 2 weeks from now, in the evening.  So that leaves me with 14 straight days of working out.  Once a day, everyday.  Starting tonight, after I post this.

I not putting a goal weight quite yet.  I need to get through my fitness challenge first.  And then we'll see where I am weight wise, and set a goal.  Because really, I will never be done.  And there will never be a "perfect" goal weight number.  And that's okay.  I just never want to hate myself again.  Hate how much I weigh and feel hopeless about it.  I have full control of my body, of what I eat, of how much I exercise.  I'm in charge, and I'm back.  Again.

Current weight: 148 pounds

worse than a plateau.

+1 pound.
eff eff eff eff eff eff eff.

I'm frustrated.  But I'm trying so hard not to get frustrated.  They're just stupid scale numbers.  I place too much emphasis on scale numbers.

My back is slowly getting better, but I'm still not 100%.  I did get a massage, but not nearly enough time was spent on my lower back, where I needed it most.  Not the therapist's fault at all...its a massage school, so she was learning.  She did a great job on my upper back though!  Worked out all the kinks from temping coffee and the silly stress that comes with the job.

I feel so out of tune with my body.  I don't even know if I can explain it, but I feel completely out of sync.  Usually, I can tell when I'm starting to get hungry, or when a hunger pang is really just something else--I'm dehydrated, or I just saw someone eating ice cream...lol.  But now, I feel completely out of whack.  I get CRAZY cravings for sugar and sweets.   Sometimes, I'll wake up and be ravenously hungry, and other times, the idea of food makes me sick to my stomach.  Yesterday, I went all day without eating.  I was out running errands, and probably didn't eat for 8 hours.  But the day before that, I found myself snacking all day long.  I just feel....off.  I don't know if it was the juice fast or what, but I feel slightly out of control of my hunger, of my body.  And I'm struggling.  I can admit that.  I'm just not sure exactly what to do about it besides telling myself, "Okay, it's time to buckle down and get back to business."

Last week, I did manage to walk 6 out of the 7 days.  At least a mile each time, and twice a little over 3 miles.  Yesterday, Justin and I went to water aerobics, and I did fairly well.  There were a couple of the core water workouts where as soon as I bent to one side, pain shot down my lower back.  Needless to say I skipped those ones and just kicked around.

I'm not really sure what my plan is for this week.  Eat less?  Maybe eat more core foods.  Weight watchers has 2 types of plans--the tracking, which I'm doing now.  Or, you can do the "simply filling" technique where you don't track points as long as you only eat off the list of "filling" foods.  I don't know.  Maybe I'll just eat salad all week.  I need something.  Hopefully I'll figure out what it is.

Current weight: 137 pounds
Weight to lose to reach final goal: 7 pounds
Total weight loss: 87 pounds