my body.

My last blog post was nearly 4 months ago.

In that time, I've gained 10 pounds.  Fuck.

I could feel my size 8's getting uncomfortable.  Feel my stomach getting a little bigger.  Apparently that is the first place the weight heads back too.  The place that is hardest to get rid it off.  I feel like my face is a bit more round than it has been.  My cheeks are not as refined. 

Back when I juiced, I got down to 133 pounds.  I was elated.  On top of the world.  I also hadn't eaten in a week, and hadn't had bread in quite awhile either.  Looking back, I'm mad at myself for doing what I always criticize other people for doing.  That is, doing a fad diet, or a temporary fix.  I can hear myself saying, "They'll only gain it back plus more."  And low and behold, here we are.

I'm not blaming my downfall on juicing.  I've been breaking down for awhile now.  I canceled my weight watchers subscription because I had stopped using it.  I didn't need to pay $18.95 a month for something I wasn't using.  I told myself, "I'll take a break, regroup, and then I'll want to get back on the program."  Except that was nearly 2 months ago, and I'm still not "ready."

Not only have I been struggling with food intake, mostly portion size and control, but I have gotten unbelievable lazy!  I want to work out, I want to get fit.  But that need is slightly less than the need to stop watching Nip/Tuck, to go for a walk, a run, whatever.  I have been SO inactive.  I feel like the weight gain may not have been as intense if I was at least still walking most nights.  I teach, and then I come home and plant myself in the living room.  Ew.  Disappointing.

So tonight, I'm done saying, saying, saying.  I signed up for the new gym in town.  Paid 40 bucks for a month's membership, and because I'm paying it for, I'm using it!  Its small, but 24 hours, and all the equipment is new.  The past couple of days I've been trying to eat less, to not feel sick after I was done eating.  Because I've literally been eating too much, and I know it!  I guess that's the part that makes me feel most sad--I'm sitting there, I know I'm full, but I finish my plate.  I haven't had the issue in awhile.  Fuck.

And now I have a gym that I'm going to go to once a day.  I love the gym.  I miss WSU's SO much.  I love to jog on the treadmill and watch TV.  Use the elliptical and listen to bad music with good beats.

My challenge for the next 2 weeks:  Go to the gym everyday.  Because its 24 hours, I have no excuse.  We're heading off to Vegas 2 weeks from now, in the evening.  So that leaves me with 14 straight days of working out.  Once a day, everyday.  Starting tonight, after I post this.

I not putting a goal weight quite yet.  I need to get through my fitness challenge first.  And then we'll see where I am weight wise, and set a goal.  Because really, I will never be done.  And there will never be a "perfect" goal weight number.  And that's okay.  I just never want to hate myself again.  Hate how much I weigh and feel hopeless about it.  I have full control of my body, of what I eat, of how much I exercise.  I'm in charge, and I'm back.  Again.

Current weight: 148 pounds

worse than a plateau.

+1 pound.
eff eff eff eff eff eff eff.

I'm frustrated.  But I'm trying so hard not to get frustrated.  They're just stupid scale numbers.  I place too much emphasis on scale numbers.

My back is slowly getting better, but I'm still not 100%.  I did get a massage, but not nearly enough time was spent on my lower back, where I needed it most.  Not the therapist's fault at all...its a massage school, so she was learning.  She did a great job on my upper back though!  Worked out all the kinks from temping coffee and the silly stress that comes with the job.

I feel so out of tune with my body.  I don't even know if I can explain it, but I feel completely out of sync.  Usually, I can tell when I'm starting to get hungry, or when a hunger pang is really just something else--I'm dehydrated, or I just saw someone eating ice cream...lol.  But now, I feel completely out of whack.  I get CRAZY cravings for sugar and sweets.   Sometimes, I'll wake up and be ravenously hungry, and other times, the idea of food makes me sick to my stomach.  Yesterday, I went all day without eating.  I was out running errands, and probably didn't eat for 8 hours.  But the day before that, I found myself snacking all day long.  I just feel....off.  I don't know if it was the juice fast or what, but I feel slightly out of control of my hunger, of my body.  And I'm struggling.  I can admit that.  I'm just not sure exactly what to do about it besides telling myself, "Okay, it's time to buckle down and get back to business."

Last week, I did manage to walk 6 out of the 7 days.  At least a mile each time, and twice a little over 3 miles.  Yesterday, Justin and I went to water aerobics, and I did fairly well.  There were a couple of the core water workouts where as soon as I bent to one side, pain shot down my lower back.  Needless to say I skipped those ones and just kicked around.

I'm not really sure what my plan is for this week.  Eat less?  Maybe eat more core foods.  Weight watchers has 2 types of plans--the tracking, which I'm doing now.  Or, you can do the "simply filling" technique where you don't track points as long as you only eat off the list of "filling" foods.  I don't know.  Maybe I'll just eat salad all week.  I need something.  Hopefully I'll figure out what it is.

Current weight: 137 pounds
Weight to lose to reach final goal: 7 pounds
Total weight loss: 87 pounds

body challenges

+1 pound.

Lamesauce.  
I didn't post last week--I had zeroed out for the week, and had nothing to report.  I hadn't exercised a lot like I had said I would. 

In the middle of last week, I was super excited to really start working out my tummy.  I googled a bunch of floor exercises that target my core, and did them 2 nights in a row.  On the third night, I finished my reps, and immediately felt the muscles in the small of my back bulging out.  I woke up the next morning and could hardly bend over.  This has been going on for a week and a half now.  :(  Most of the pain is in my lower back, but if I have a full shift at work, the pain starts to shoot down into my hips and thighs.  I've tried stretching, walking, hot showers, uggghhh. 

So needless to say, I've been pretty sedentary.  I've looked into chiropractors, but without insurance, they are SOOO expensive.  I did schedule myself a massage for Monday through the massage school.  I'm hoping I can take a muscle relaxant and then they can kneed out whatever the hell is going on in my back!  The only real exercise I can handle is walking on the beach.  There's something about the sand that doesn't piss off my back too much.  :)

A rack in the store I never thought I would be shopping...

I'm hoping Justin and I can start hot yoga again soon.  We tried it for a week in Burien, but I gave up on it after I gained weight at the end of the week.  (Looking back, the weight gain could've been ANYTHING, but because the hot yoga was already hard, I blamed it instead.)  But I am excited to give it another try.  From what I've read about hot yoga, it can really help realign the back, and also help issues with the intestines.  (Pretty much the 2 parts of my body that plague me on a regular basis!)  I just wish it wasn't so expensive!  But I think we're going to give it a try again.  There's a studio here in Kihei that has morning and evening classes, and is only a couple of miles down the road from our apartment.

Regardless of a little bit of weight gain and a shitty back, life has been great.  :)  I went shopping the other day, and I can officially buy shorts in size 8!  :)  I am a single digit size!  Never thought I'd be able to say that!  :)

This week, I'm going to focus on walking everyday, the wellness of my back, AND I'm not going to drink.  I feel like my happy hours beers may also be the culprit of my 1 pound gain.  So we're going to give the beer a break for now.  I love it, but it only upsets my tummy anyways.

See you next week, hopefully with some betters news! 

Current weight: 136 pounds
Weight to lose to reach final goal: 6 pounds
Total weight loss: 88 pounds

Juicing backlash

+2 pounds

Blehhhhhhhhhh.

It's okay. It really is. Honestly, I have felt pretty damn awful this past week.

I did not transition out of my juice fast like I should have. In my mind, I had been so deprived for so long (only 10 days...lol), that I just went back to eating the way I was before. Which, don't get me wrong, is not bad at all. I eat pretty damn well. Buttttt, my body was not ready to digest whole, complex foods, and I didn't listen to my body. I've had a crazy amount of heartburn, and upset stomachs. I almost went back on the juicing the other day, because I was feeling disgusting and I felt like I had seriously wasted the last 10 days of progress. But that's okay. You live and you learn.

Next time, I will actually eat raw the 3-5 days after my fast. And maybe I won't do the fast for so long. But I still feel very positive about the whole experience. It may be an overshare, but my period started the last couple days of my fast, and it was seriously the least invasive period I've ever had. I would consider juicing the few days before every month if it meant no cramps and general crap feeling that usually accompanies that time of the month. All the vitamins and micronutrients were good for something! :)

This next week, I'm going to focus on my exercise. I kept saying how much I missed being able to do so, and then I felt so gross I barely did it anyways this past week. So I'm going to work those two pounds back off the old fashioned way! :)

I did finally make these black bean burgers last night. Besides a few hiccups, these actually turned out pretty well. Before this recipe, I had no idea what quinoa even was, but it's actually really good! Oh, and google the pronunciation for the word "quinoa," because it's not at all what you think...haha.

So my focus for this next week is exercise. Lots of exercise!

Current weight: 135 pounds
Weight to lose to reach final goal: 5 pounds
Total weight loss: 89 pounds

10 day juice fast successfully completed!

I didn't quit!  yay!  ANDDDDD....

My first "real" breakfast this morning!

-5 pounds!  woot woot!

This morning I had 2 slices of tomato, half of a banana, and a small juice.  (I bought WAYYY too many strawberries, so I made a small strawberry carrot juice to try and use some of them up before they go bad.)

The tomatoes...greatest thing I've tasted in a long time...lol.  I've been super craving banana, since you can't juice them and all. 

I did go to Jamba Juice the other day when I was out and about running errands.  They now make all natural juices.  I got the orange/carrot/banana juice.  Not having to prep the oranges and clean up the mess afterwards was nice, but the juice wasn't actually that good....haha.  They juiced the carrots and oranges, and then blended in the bananas.  It was alright.  But my juice is better.  :)

With the fantastic weight loss from this week, I destroyed my zen sushi goal.  If Justin doesn't have to close tomorrow night, we'll be headed out to Haiku tomorrow night.  If not, we'll hit them up sometime next week.  I'm still chasing Justin though....lol.  I swear he's losing a pound every time I lose a pound!  I thought I had him this morning, since last time I checked he was 134.  But when I made him get on the scale, he also weighs 133.  Haha...whatever!  But I can say that I now weigh the SAME as my husband.  (The same husband that I outweighed by nearly 80 pounds when I married him.  yay!)

I just calculated my total weight loss number to put at the bottom of my blog, and my first reaction was, "ew, gross."  Haha, I'm still at a loss sometimes to how much extra weight I was carrying around with me in college, and how much that weight held me back.

OH!  And I think I finally had a positive break through with my body yesterday!  :)  Justin and I decided to go to the beach, and I was changing into my bathing suit.  I looked in the mirror, and my first thought was, "hey, I look pretty good in this."  It was like a fantastic "AH-HA" moment, and I felt SO good about myself.  :)  I know that seems insignificant to a lot of people, but its HUGE for me.  My bottoms were so stretched out since I've had them forever now, so I had to go to Wal-mart to get a new pair--the only ones they had were string bikinis, with the ties on the side.  I can't tell you the anxiety those bottoms have been causing me...lol.  So to finally feel good in them...  :)

My progress graph since I restarted Weight Watchers  :)

Current weight: 133 pounds
Zen sushi mini-goal: 0 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 3 pounds
Total weight loss: 91 pounds

Jucing weigh-in

-2 pounds.  yay!

I'll admit I was a little bit disappointed this morning.  I felt like the amount of pain and suffering I endured did not equal the amount of weight I had lost.  That I could've worked out a lot this week, and ate actual food, and produced similar results.  BUTTTT, that's silly.  I didn't start juicing just for the weight lost results.  Actually, when I first thought about doing it, weight loss wasn't even on the top of my list.  So losing 2 pounds is great!  Especially because it puts me that much closer to my ultimate weight loss goal.

The first 2 days were HARD.  I won't lie.  I napped a lot, and was incredibly cranky towards my wonderful, loving husband.  I would randomly get dizzy, and randomly get these awful headaches.  And sometimes the headaches would last for a couple of hours, and sometimes they would only be there for a few minutes.  I felt awful.  And I was awful...lol.  I whined about not being able to eat, and griped at Justin for eating in front of me....haha. 

But I can now say, at the beginning of my 4th day of juice fasting, that I'm glad I did it.  My headaches have almost completely subsided--which means the death grip caffeine had on me is almost gone!  I rarely get lightheaded, and I like mixing up the different juice concoctions now.  I find that I love putting carrots in everything!  yum!  I am still getting food cravings, but its literally just to eat a tomato or orange whole.  (Justin even ate popcorn next to me while we were watching Buffy, and I was fine!)  :) 

I'm also hoping that this juice fast will improve my insides.  I know that sounds weird, but I worry a bit about how much damage I did to my stomach and intestines from all those years of crappy eating, and then all those years of splenda usage.  I don't really have any doctor's note or scientific data showing me that juicing will help heal the lining of your stomach, but it can't hurt right?  :)  I just think about the splenda study they did on rats and how some of their stomachs NEVER healed from the splenda damage.  uggghhh.  I can't believe people eat that crap.  I can't believe I ate that crap!

I'm going to go the full 10 days.  And Justin and I decided we will break my fast with some Vietnamese Burritos!  YUM!  Nothing better than a bunch of vegetables wrapped in spring roll wrappers.  :)  Day 10 for me is next Thursday, but I have to close on Friday.  So I just have to decide if I'm going to fast for an extra day so we can go out on Saturday, or if on Friday I will just eat real fruits and veggies--I think that may be better for my body.  But we'll just play it by ear.

One more big challenge presents itself tonight--I go in to close at work.  No samples, no coffee, no nothing for except juice.  Its been one thing juicing at home with nothing around me to tempt me, but now I've got to go be a functional person while juicing...lol.  I think I'll be fine, because now I feel fine!  2 days ago, I probably would've destroyed a customer for returning a drink or something.  :)

Well, Justin and I are off to water aerobics.  See you next week!

Current weight: 138 pounds
Zen sushi mini-goal: 1 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 8 pounds

Day 1 of Juicing!

 Let the juicing begin!  :)

I went to Walmart last night and purchased a GE juice extractor.  It was around 55 dollars, and got pretty good reviews on Amazon as well as a good consumer report.  Its super easy to take apart, which also makes it pretty easy to clean as well.  (All the reviews said the clean-ability of your machine was a make or break attribute.)

I had a made a list before I left the apartment of enough fruits and vegetables for a couple of recipes.  I went to Times Supermarket, since they generally have the best produce prices, and I didn't really want to shop at Foodland, Times, and Safeway last night to save a couple of dollars.  All of their prices were great--except green apples.  Green apples are pricy here in general, but Foodland did have them beat by .70 cent a pound.  (I paid $2.99/lb at Times).

For all the stuff in the picture on the left, I spent $30 bucks.  (The 4 apples was $6.50!  eek!)  Not too bad, but not fantastic either. 

The first drink I tried was very simple.  Just carrots and oranges.  The recipe called for 6 large carrots and 3 full oranges.  I prepped all the stuff and made the juice last night.  You're supposed to drink your juice as fresh as possible, but I had to work this morning, and I didn't want to be fumbling around with the machine at 6 AM.  So I made the juice last night and stored it in the fridge for the morning.



It was actually really good!  I had an 8 ounce glass when I woke up to get me going (I usually eat a banana before work), and then took the remaining 16 ounces to drink during my break.  Not having a coffee was more of a mental fight than anything else, because I was at work, and that's what I do when I'm at work!  I drink coffee!  Several of them!

My first juice!  Orange Carrot.

I felt okay through my shift--I was pretty hungry by the time my 9:30 break rolled around.  But after drinking the juice, I could feel that my stomach was full.  I was a bit light headed, but my appetite was satiated.

I got home and made one of the Mean Green juices, which were what the guy from Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead drank.  First off, I put WAYYYY too much ginger root in mine.  Apparently you're only supposed to put half a thumbs amount in.  I put 3 times that much!  Oops!  So my juice was VERY spicy.  I chilled it for a bit, and then was able to drink it.  Second, I accidentally bought collar greens instead of kale, but whatever--they look the same anyways.  Haha. 

I drank half the batch, and then went and crashed for a 2 hour nap.  Justin woke me up when he got home from work.  He had stopped at the farmers market, which was a FABULOUS idea.  He got just as much produce as I did at Times (plus REAL kale...lol) for $20.  Definitely need to be using markets here!  :)

Oh, and before I left work Cindy gave me a bag of homegrown baby tomatoes, and I took a big bag of watercress from the sandwich training session I had.   

All in all, its been an okay first day.  I haven't gotten a full blown headache yet (knock on wood) from the caffeine withdraws.  I didn't eat anything, though I almost popped a piece of orange in my mouth while I was cutting it up for juicing (obviously not the end of the world or anything, but I'm only supposed to drink!)  I did get a little weepy when we went on a walk.  lol.  But I'm not starving, I know I'm not, and after I drink my tummy is actually full for awhile.  It's a completely psychological need to put food in my mouth.  (Or drink coffee, as well.)  It may be nice to actually break that need.

I made a "fruit salad" for dinner, and am currently enjoying it.  It's super good!  The recipe includes 1 kiwi, 6 strawberries, 1 orange, 1/2 mango, and 1 cup pineapple.  The recipe yielded nearly 20 ounces of juice, and I've been slowly sipping it over the past half hour.  I definitely think sipping is the way to go for me.  Definitely don't need a straw!

I'm still keeping in the habit of doing my Weight Watchers tracking, though I haven't used any of my points!  (All the fruits and veggies are free.)  I wonder if I'll get a warning message from them about not eating any real food...haha.  I'll weigh in on my normal Friday morning day.  I figure it will be a good indicator of how all this is going, with 3 full juicing days under my belt.

See you tomorrow!

Activity! yay!

-1 pound!

I rocked the activity this week.  On Sunday, Justin and I went paddle boarding.  AMAZING!  :)  (Justin doesn't know, but I am going to buy a paddle board off of craigslist in a couple of hours...yay!)  My arms were SO sore after paddling, my abs a little.  My paddle was too long for me, so I wasn't using my core as much as my forearms.  Either way, a great workout, and I had A LOT of fun.  :)

I hit up water aerobics on Wednesday, and then on Thursday, Justin and I went hiking!  It was a 5 mile round trip hike, and was supposed to be "moderate."  Haha, I feel like a combination of a lying website and the fact that Justin and I are out of hiking shape let the trail kick our ass.  Haha.  But it was awesome because a majority of the trail was in a woodsy area, and it felt like we were back in Washington!  :)  Then, on the way back down, the clouds started to blow away, and the beautiful coastline appeared.  It was fantastic!  :)

I didn't wake up in time for water aerobics today, so I guesssss I'll have to let Bob kick my ass instead.  Haha.

Oh!  And I'm going to start juicing this week.  I'm going to buy a cheap(er) juicer today (but it still has good reviews), and start on Tuesday.  I work a short shift on Tuesday (from 7-noon), and then I have Wednesday and Thursday off.  So when I'm weak and cranky and coffee detoxing, Justin is the only one that will have to deal with me.  I'm going to shoot for a 7 day juice cleanse, but I'm going to feel it out.  It might be 5 or it might be 10.  I'm really curious to see how this cleanse will affect my weight loss.  More so, I'm just excited to feel better!  And kicking the coffee habit will be nice as well, because I'll admit, its gotten kind of out of control lately.  Then I have to try and stay off of it!  That in itself will be the greater challenge.  :)

See you guys next week!

Current weight: 140 pounds
Zen sushi mini-goal: 3 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 10 pounds

I work out!

Down another pound! Yay!

I blogged right after my first biggest loser work out for the week, and I managed to work out again the next day. My body actually felt wayyyy better after the second work out.

I had planned on doing it again last night, but I was SO sore, I couldn't bring myself to it.  Lol. BUT, I will be leaving for water aerobics here shortly.  Which not only is great exercise, but I think it will help relieve some of the pain I'm feeling from all the sore muscles that haven't been worked in months.

I was flipping through pictures last night of myself, and was looking through the Kauai 2010 album.  Its so....I don't know what it is.  I remember being so proud of myself at that point, so proud of how much weight I had lost and how great I looked.  (And I had done a great job, I'm not belittling that at all).  But I look at those pictures, and I think, "Nope, still fat there."  And I honestly don't know if that reaction is healthy, or if its just more proof that I need to focus more on loving myself, no matter what I look like.  Do psychologists have to take a "Psych 452- The psychology of weight loss?"  Because I feel like I could sure use the help some days.  :)

Justin lost another pound last week.  He now weighs 135.  I told him if he keeps losing weight with me, we're going to weigh the same when I get to my goal weight, not the next mini-goal I set for myself.  What a putz....lol.  But I did change the name of my mini-goal, because I felt like I was lying every time I updated it.

Have you guys heard of this juicing phenomenon?  My mom, aunt, and BFF told me about it when I was home for Andrew's wedding.  There's a movie that goes with it, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead."  Justin and I have been meaning to watch the movie, but we haven't yet.  One of my good friends has been doing it for 4 days now and has lost 13 pounds!  WOW!  When he told me that, I thought maybe I should give it a try.  I was just struggling with only drinking my food for a week.  But I think if I really put my mind to it, I could.  But Justin can't do it with me...lol.  I think I'll attempt to watch the movie sometime this week, and see after that!

Well I gotta run, or I'm going to be late for my date with the Kihei senior citizens!  :)

Current weight: 141 pounds
Zen sushi mini-goal: 4 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 11 pounds

Round is a shape, yeah? :)

Hello Fat blog followers!   :)

I neglected to post on Friday, considering I did not have much to say.  I pulled another zero last week, and I'm pretty glad that zero was the outcome.  I had a pretty exciting food week (lol, word choice), and ate out quite a few times.  If you live on Maui, the 808 Deli is amazing, and half Guinness, half some other kind of light beer in a giant mug at the Outback is also amazing.  Haha. 

These food choices in themselves may not have been the absolute worse (I didn't go to a all-you-can-eat buffet or anything), but I do get nervous when I can't be really sure what my point values are.  The guy at Outback who bought me the Guinness mix told me that Guinness beer actually has less calories than a Budweiser--which, I just googled, and he wasn't lying to me.  12 ounces of Guinness has 126 calories, while a normal Budweiser has 147.  Interesting!

I did one Biggest Loser workout last Wednesday, and then hobbled around for 2 days because my legs and hips hurt so badly.  When I did I become so out of shape?  Oh yeah, when I stopped working out!  I walk all the time, and both of my jobs require me to stand for long periods of the day, but I haven't done the traditional work-out since I left Pullman.  (On a side note, I miss the WSU Rec Center SO much.  I wish I would've used it WAY more than I did when I had it.) 

I just got done letting Bob kick my ass with a 35 minute moderate work-out.  I'm feeling good right now, which is a vast improvement from last Wednesday, because I was already hurting a half hour after the routine.  My goal is to get at least 1 more workout in with Bob before Friday, 2 if I'm lucky. 

Really, the rest of my weight loss journey is going to be so dependent on my activity levels.  I can keep cutting my calories, but I don't exercise along with it, my boobs are just going to completely disappear...lol.  The working out always feels good after, but I really have to talk myself into turning on the Xbox.  And really I'm burning even more calories than the program tells me because its hot as hell in our second floor apartment while I'm jogging in place.  Haha.

Apple pie baked in the apple!  :)

As for foods, I've been rocking the crockpot recipes for awhile now.  Last night, I ventured out of my comfort zone and made a dessert recipe a found on pinterest.  They actually turned out quite amazing!  :) 

The recipe for the apple pie can be found here.

The excavating of the apples was quite hard, and I just bought 2 more apples to use for the filling.  I cut her sugar/brown sugar/cinnamon stats in half, and used Truvia for the sugar.  And the topping is actually reduced-fat crescent rolls instead of pie crust, mostly because that stuff is expensive!  And I only need a little bit and not a whole pound of it.  :)  Justin ate one when he got home last night, and said he really enjoyed it.  I ate a couple of bites, and I liked it as well. 

I'm really loving pinterest for all the awesome recipes that folks post on there.  Some are already healthy, and others I can easily adapt to make them better.  The whole apple above is 4 points.  And I don't even think I could eat a whole one!

Well, I'm out for now.  Here's to keeping my workout goals and seeing some scale movement on Friday (of the down variety, of course!) 

Current weight: 142 pounds
Less than hubby weight: 5 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 12 pounds

Bob!

Attempted to go to water aerobics this morning, but apparently the high school had taken over the pool.  There were no senior citizens for me to exercise with.  :(

So I came home, and FINALLY turned on the Biggest Loser.  The last time I had used that thing, I weighed 170 pounds.  Oye!  So of course the game flipped out when I told it I only weighed 142 now...haha.  I obviously won the weigh-in for the week with a 16% percentage weight loss....lol.

I'm glad I turned Bob back on though, because I forgot how much I missed him!  I did 30 minutes of Circuit training, and 15 minutes of Yoga.  And....ouch.  I'm already hurting.  Bob really likes lunges, and I do not.  lol.  I did have to change a few of the moves, because I assume my downstairs neighbors would not appreciate me doing jumping jacks--so I did standing jack lunges instead.  owwwwww!  :)

We've eaten out quite a few times this week, so I'm a little worried about the weigh-in on Friday, but either way, it will be a good week because I finally got my work-out back!  :)

See you on Friday!

Another small milestone.

Yay!  I lost another pound this week, putting me at a total of 10 pounds lost since I rededicated my life to Weight Watchers.  :)

The sad news is that I completely failed my goal of doing any Biggest Loser workouts.  I didn't do any.  Ouch. 

But I did make Justin do an epic walk with me the other night, walking the length of two of the beaches near our apartment.  The Kamaole beaches are pretty, especially in the early evening.  :)

This week I've been working really hard to eat lots of raw fruits and vegetables.  I've discovered that cutting up a tomato and eating it with some salt sprinkled on top is the most amazing snack in the entire world.  In fact, for dinner the other night I had a sliced tomato, grapes, and a pita with guacamole smeared on it.  :)

I've been trying to also be more aware of food cravings when I get them, and then working to fight them off in a more proactive manner.  I know for a fact that closing the Coffee Bean is a huge trigger for me, because we're always INSANELY slow and there is always delicious food there.  After an hour of standing in the front with nothing to do, I really start craving blueberry scones and lemon crunch bars....uggghhhh.  Haha.  But I'm working on it.  And try to satiate those cravings with fruit.  Or chocolate fiber bars also seem to do the trick.  :)

This next week, I will make a bigger attempt to work out.  Because the scheduling at work has been so crazy, the next available day I can take off is Sunday the 20th.  But Justin and I have a paddle board date that day.  :)  I can't wait, even though I feel like I'm going to epically fail at it.  But I figured the more I fall off the board, the more engaged my abs will be.  :)

I've also been collecting recipes off of pinterest, so I'm hoping I'll have a moment this week to bake something delicious.  I keep coming back to these these breakfast cookies. Weight Watchers has a recipe builder so I can calculate the points of a whole recipe, and then portion it out.  Its really helpful when trying to make a recipe less overall points.  :)

Oh, and Justin lost another pound, but I'm not adjusting my goal again.  I told him if he loses anymore weight, I'm going to slap him.  lol.

Current weight: 142 pounds
Less than hubby weight: 5 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 12 pounds

Found this on pinterest. Loved it! :)

My body took a week off! :)

-0 pounds this week.

Which...I'm perfectly okay with.  I feel like my body needed an adjustment week from the 2 pounds from last week, and I did get a warning from Weight Watchers that I was losing too fast.

I didn't actually make it to water aerobics at all last week.  I got sick from one of the preschoolers I was subbing for, and then I've been killing myself working the past week and a half.  So I really haven't had the time or energy to do much anything else besides sleep and go to work.  Excuse?  Yeah.  But a damn good one considering I've worked a couple of doubles between the coffee shop and preschool this past week.

Justin paid for me to have a massage today.  :)  Not directly related to my weight loss, but its definitely going to make my body feel good.  And then maybe I'll be more willing to get up and do something after work tomorrow.  :)  I'm going to set a mini goal for myself this week of doing at least 2 days of Biggest Loser workouts with the Kinect.  Then next week I'll add another.  :)

And I've gotta stay out of the samples at work.  I've allowed myself to eat them as long as a counted them in my points, but I can never stop at just one.  So we're going back to no samples!  Stupid delicious pastries.  lol.

See you guys next week!

Current weight: 143 pounds
Less than hubby weight: 6 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 13 pounds

Weight Watchers is mad at me.

-2 pounds this week!

Weight watchers is mad at me.  I inputted my weight loss for the week, it told me "Congrats! You've made it to your 5% goal mark!"  Then, it gave me a lecture about losing weight to fast.  It said it was okay to lose 2 pounds in one week, but it was not ago that my average weight loss was 2 pounds over a 4 week period.  Oops!  I don't think I've ever thought that I would have a problem dropping too much weight....oye.  But I know that in itself can become a problem, and the last thing I need is a eating disorder on the opposite end of the spectrum.

So, Justin suggested I use a little more of my flex points, because I will obviously still lose.  And I NEED to start working out again.  I'm dropping weight, but its not the good kind.  I'm noticing saggier skin (and yes, some of this is probably in my head), and my boobs....aaahhhh.  I asked Justin for a shake weight the other day.  lol.  But I am convinced that the last 5 pounds were only lost out of my bra.  :)  Haha, only half kidding.  :)

I need to get some real exercise going so I can build up muscle and deal with my skin issues.  I am active--I walk everywhere.  But walking has never really been a muscle building exercise.  My tattoo is just about done, so water aerobics will definitely continue starting next week.  I don't think I will sign up for a gym.  No, I won't.  I keep forgetting I still have my Biggest Loser game.  I just need to force myself to do my muscle building exercises with Bob.  Or make Justin make me do it.  Haha.

All in all, its been a good week.  When I subbed in a preschool yesterday, I tried a grapple--pronounce it with a long A sound.  Its an apple infused with grape flavoring.  Super weird at first, but yummy!  And one of the other teachers gave me a mango.  Showed me how to cut it up so its easy to eat.  YUM!  :)

Oh, and one last thing.  My wonderful husband, due mostly to the fact that I'm dieting, has lost weight as well.  UGGHHH.  lol.  So my countdown to weighing less than him did not change this week, since the putz lost 2 pounds.  :)  That's okay, it just puts off the awesome sushi date that much longer for him as well.  :)

Current weight: 143 pounds
Less than hubby weight: 6 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 13 pounds

back on track! :)

-1 pound!  :)

I'm pretty stoked to see negative movement this week.  I felt like this week was going to be a "getting back into the swing of things" week, and I kind of felt it some days.

Yesterday was really hard for me.  I haven't turned to food as an emotional crutch in a LONG time.  I still sometimes eat out of boredom, but eating because I'm sad hasn't been a problem.  Butttt, my uncle passed away yesterday morning.  He was fighting a hard battle against cancer, and Jesus decided to rescue him.  :)  But I was struggling yesterday.  And I was at work, and trying not to openly weep--I ate a couple too many samples off of the counter.  :(  Oh well.

Today I'm feeling more in tune with my body, and my stomach.  And I'm coping in healthier ways.  :)  Chasing around preschool kids at school today definitely helped.  AND it was good exercise!  Haha.  I also treated myself to poke for dinner, which is my absolute favorite food in the whole world!  yuuummmm.

My tattoo is in the itching phase, which is a good healing sign.  Due to my work schedule next week, I won't actually be able to go to water aerobics until Friday.  At least I'll definitely be able to go be then!  :)  Now that I can't/shouldn't go to the beach, I really want to go...haha.  Only have a few more days I think!

Current weight: 145 pounds
Less than hubby weight: 6 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 15 pounds

Quick weigh in!

No change, which is absolutely fine.

I splurged a little, obviously with the wedding, and I also indulged in some Costco pizza...yuuummmmm.  :)  I hit Mongolian grill in Portland with my family, and it was one of the best things I've ever eaten!  Plus! it wasn't even really a splurge since I only put a handful of chicken in my bowl and the rest was vegetables!  I think my brother is still confused about my lack of noodles...lol.

I'm craving exercise, but think I'm going to have to skip water aerobics tomorrow considering my tattoo isn't even a week old yet.  :(  I need to do some epic walking in the meanwhile so I can get a negative number on the scale come Friday.

And maybe I'll do some sit ups while I'm watching Grey's Anatomy.  :)

Current weight: 146 pounds
Less than hubby weight: 7 pounds
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 16 pounds

Delayed weigh-in

There won't be a weigh-in until I get back to my scale on the beautiful island of Maui, which will be Tuesday morning.

I went ahead and restarted my points yesterday anyways, which was much needed considering it was Andrew's wedding.  I did pretty well for dinner (salmon and asparagus! yum!), but desert is delicious and point destroying.  :)  But I had a fantastic time, and the wedding was beautiful!  :)  And I had to have earned some activity points for all the dancing I did!  lol.

So no weigh-in until next week, and hopefully whatever the damage is, Maui can help me get rid of it by Friday!

Oh, oh, and new goal!  At least weigh in, I was at 146.  Justin currently weighs 140.  So my next goal is to weigh less than my hubby!  A mere 7 pounds from now.  And he said my treat for making that goal is a trip to the awesome sushi place in Haiku that he took me to for my birthday.  They had AMAZING vegan and vegetarian sushi, and I think I may still dream about the pumpkin roll.  :)

See you guys next week, when I'm back across the beautiful ocean.

Size 10 and other news :)

-3 pounds.

YOU GUYS!  I lost 3 pounds again!  God I love weight watchers.  Sitting here now, I'm berating myself for ever quitting in the first place, and/or for ever being so reluctant to start the new program.  Yes, it was a little touch and go/a whine fest when I realized how many points bread slices are, but that's okay!  Its been 3 weeks and I'm down 6 pounds!

In other amazing news, I went to Savers the other night to poke around for clothes.  I was looking at the jeans since we're heading back to the Mainland next week, and decided to give a size 10 a try to see how far I had to go.  THEY FIT.  I CAN FIT INTO A SIZE 10 JEANS!!  I didn't actually buy any, but I stopped at the Salvation Army the other day, and ended up picking up a pair from Vanity for a buck!  Size 10 jeans, AND they were crazy cheap!  :)

I really want to try paddle boarding.  Justin got a board last Sunday while I was at work, and said he loved it.  And my manager pointed out paddle boarding is by far the greatest workout for your abs and tummy, and you don't really even know you're working out (until afterwards, of course!)  :)  Hopefully Justin and I can both get a day off after we get back from Seattle and go out.  If I love it, we'll probably end up investing in them!  :)

My uncle emailed me the other day, and pointed out that I had officially lost 1/3 of my former self.  How crazy...haha.  :)

Oh, and we're totally going to see The Hunger Games tomorrow!  I finally earned my movie!  yay!  I haven't decided what my next goal will be, but I'm actually closing in on my final goal weight.  :)


Current weight: 146 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 0 pound
Weight to lose to meet final goal: 16 pounds
 TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS:  78 pounds!

successsss! :)

The points graph is very helpful for me.  Saturday was St. Patty's Day, which I went a little nuts, and then the day after was hangover day, which also led to a lot of eating.  Nonetheless, awesome visual.  :)

YAY!  I lost 3 pounds!  :) :) :)

I weighed myself a little early, but I was feeling skinny this morning, and I was super anxious to finally see something happen on the scale.  And it did!  :)

I love this program.  I love the points and how it gives me the ability to really ponder what I want to eat.  And, if I give in and eat a sample at work, its an automatic 3 points (self-calculated...haha.)  So I did have a bite of carrot cake yesterday, and it was so worth it.  :)  We did get mochi into the store, and they're only 2-3 points each.  YUUUUM!

Totally going to see Hunger Games next weekend!  I'm so stoked.  :)

Current weight: 149 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 1 pound
TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS:  75 pounds!

Weight watchers week 1

-0 pounds.

Oye.  At first, my gut reaction was something along the lines of, adfkgfdsjk!  I wanted to whine and feel bad about myself because I worked so hard this week and didn't get anything out of it.  But psshhh...what kind of shit attitude is that?

I feel excellent.  I've eaten more fruits and vegetable in this past week then I have in quite a long time.  I made it to water aerobics twice, and went hiking twice as well!  :)  Aside from one taste of the peanut butter banana bagel, I did not eat one sample or have one sip of the leftovers in the blender.  I'm proud of myself!  :)

For a majority of the week, I only used my daily points.  I earned 12 activity (exercise points), and didn't eat them.  :)  St. Patrick's day I may have indulged a bit, butttt....do you get points back if you throw them up?  lol, just kidding.  Well, not about the getting sick part, but no, I didn't give myself any of the points back.  A light beer is 4 points, and a shot of tequila is 4 points as well.  They really don't want you to drink, do they?  Haha.

Today at work, two of my co-workers told me that my face looked skinnier.  :)  And I feel like my work shorts are just a tinyyyyy bit looser.  :)  So I'm not discouraged by the scale this week.  I'm actually more encouraged to try that much harder at getting the numbers to go down.  Do you think I could pull a 4?  I would love to go to the movies next weekend.  :)  Haha, just kidding.  I'll be going to the movies in 2 weeks!  :)

Current weight: 152 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 4 pounds

Health things

Its day 2 of the new Weight Watchers program, and overall, its going well!

The new points system is a little harder for me to get used to, but I know deep down that these changes are all positive and goal-oriented.  I may have had a minor meltdown in the grocery store when I realized that bread has a lot higher point count than it used too--mostly because the new point equation takes carbs into consideration.  (Bread is my kryponite...I've never given it up, always said I've wanted to be "well-rounded" and not cut out any food groups.)   But I'm coming around to the idea of less bread.  People that eat less of it lose weight, right?  Haha.  I ate my chili stuffed turkey burger on two pieces of lettuce with a side of teriyaki vegetables, and was sufficiently satisfied.  :)

I get 26 points everyday.  I'm finding that I'm blowing through these pretty easily--3 meals a day plus 1 non-fruit/vegetable snack, and I'm out.  (Oh, and a small vanilla latte--no one said anything about giving up coffee!)  Then, I have 46 flex points that I can use throughout the week.  I can either divide these points evenly up each day, or I can splurge and use more of them on one day.  I feel like it is a testament to my will power, but I'm trying not to touch these extra points.  At least not at first.  Yesterday I used all 26, and as of tonight, I have 1 left for the day.  Trying to conserve my points is making me ultra aware of everything I'm eating and/or snacking on, ANDDDD...I didn't eat ONE sample (food or coffee) at work today.  Didn't want to waste my points!  :)  (Weight Watchers only seems to work for people who care about their points.  I'm trying not to become neurotic about them.)

In other news, these past couple of weeks I've really been focusing on my overall health, not just my weight loss journey.  As some of you may know, I've suffered from chronic stomach pain pretty much since I started my weight loss journey back in late 2009.  My doctor at school never really seemed to figure out the problem.  They thought it was my uterus, ovaries, IBS, ulcers, kidney stones, ect ect.  Justin and I ended up paying way too much for doctor's bills that told us nothing.  I gave up, and moved on to pain management.  I figured out that if I take 1 pro-biotic pill a day, I generally have little to no stomach/intestinal pain.  So that's what I've been doing for the past year or so.  I've talked to lots of people with similar issues, and have gotten lots of theories.  Recently, I've stumbled upon 2 pretty likely culprits:

Either, I'm gluten sensitive (or intolerant), and gluten is destroying the natural bacteria in my intestines, orrrrr...
the Splenda that I've consistently been eating in my coffee, coke, and desserts is essentially doing the same thing.

Either way, these both seem like easily fixable (though a bit daunting) problems.  I've been doing a lot of research on Truvia, the new "natural" no calorie sweetener that has recently hit the market.  So far, there doesn't seem to be any adverse side effects, and humans seem to be able to digest it and poop it out without problems (unlike Splenda, which apparently builds up in your body for years...uggghhhh.)  A recent university study showed that feeding Splenda to mice destroyed pretty much all of the good bacteria in their stomachs, and even worse, the bacteria didn't come back for 12+ weeks of no Splenda use.  Awesome?  Why didn't anyone tell me I was eating chemicals?  Okay, well, I know a couple of people have tried to tell me, but I was too stubborn to listen.  So I think I'll be giving Truvia a try, and selling my Costco sized boxed of Splenda on craigslist!

As for the gluten thing, I can get tested by a doctor, IF I can ever get my paperwork at work changed and filled out.  I get health insurance through them, I just don't currently have it.  I would love to get a gluten sensitivity test, to find out if maybe that's the cause (or an added cause) to my pain.  Going gluten free would be a pain in the ass, but something I could definitely adapt to if it meant no more pain!  A person who is adversely affected by gluten can have a healed stomach in as little as 6 months after changing their diet.  I guess its good to know that even if you abuse the bacteria in your stomach for years, its still willing to come back!  :)

Well, that's all I've got.  Here's to hoping I have an excellent weight loss week, and also to hopefully getting some answers soon!  :)

Hello old friend!

I just signed up for weight watchers online.  Its time to get back to basics, and finish this journey.  :)  Then I can just spend the rest of my life maintaining.  :)

The past two weeks I've had zeroes.  Nothing happening.  Also hadn't been exercising.  Justin discovered that there is a 3 day a week water aerobics class at the local pool.  Its even free!  (but the instructor asks for donations, since she's doing it for free too)  :)  We went on Wednesday, and even though we were the youngest people there by at least 20 years, I still loved it.  And its deep water aerobics, which makes it even harder.  I was going to go today, but I'm an idiot with sunscreen and have a nasty burn on my back from our hiking expedition yesterday.  (Read about that on our paradise blog, if I ever get around to putting up pictures...haha.) 

I think I've also been letting temptation get the best of me, especially at work.  Samples are my downfall.  And emotional eating?  I don't ever remember being an emotional eater, but I have been.  One certain person at work has been stressing me out a bit, and I wanted to slap myself when I realized what I was doing.  NO MORE!  :)

But I think with consistent water aerobics, and Weight Watchers holding me accountable for how much I'm actually eating, I will find my success!  We did go on a hike yesterday, which was the first one in nearly a month.  It was refreshing (minus the sunburn), and today, I feel like I can't move.  Which I'm taking as a positive sign.  :)

I'm going to go update the other blog, and then explore all the stuff on Weight Watchers online.  There's so much!  And so many recipes!  I'm stoked to get this started again!  :)  And I gotta get it done in 3 months, so I don't have to pay for a 4th month!  Haha.

Current weight: 152 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 4 pounds

Body decided to take a break. :)

-0 pounds.

Nothing happened this week.  I worked a lot, didn't walk as much.  Didn't really do much of anything. 

I did find out pastry samples are a weakness, especially when the girls at work say, "What do you want to eat?" and then cut up that pastry.  Haha, have to walk away from those bastard cheese danishes!  :)

A goal for myself this week is to up my water intake.  In general, I need to be drinking more water than I normally would because its hot here, and I'm usually always dehydrated anyways.  Add in the free coffee and teas that I'm drinking everyday I work, and it makes it worse.  So....my goal is for every caffeinated beverage I have, I need to drink a large cup of work (at work, a large cold cup is 24 ounces).  Drinking more water isn't necessarily a weight loss goal, but rather a general healthiness goal.  :)

And I think I've decided once we get our internet up and running, and probably after my next pay day, I'm going to sign up for Weight Watchers online.  If I sign up before the end of March, they waive the sign up fee, and then its something like 50 bucks for 3 months of it.  I think it will be a great tool for me, and now I'm kind of stoked to learn the new program. 

Also, I dug around in the stuff we brought from Seattle and was stoked to find that I had thrown the new PointsPLUS calculator inside.  My aunt had loaned it to me awhile back, but I hadn't looked at it too closely.  I played with it and determined point counts for all the normal stuff we eat, and it didn't seem like there were too many crazy differences.  :)

Next week, I'll have a negative!  :)

Current weight: 152 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 4 pounds

Rolling

-1 pound

Walked 5 out of the last 7 days.  Didn't reach my goal of 7 straight days, but hey, only missing two days isn't bad.  And one of the days was our anniversary, and we didn't get home from Warren and Annabelle's until late.

The walking really helped, because I did splurge a little bit this week, and still came out losing.  I'm a loser!  yay!  :)

I'm not sure what my goal should be for this week--walking again?  I already failed today...haha.  But we did walk A TON yesterday.  Beach walking, and we walked from the apartment to Pizza Madness and back, which is FAR!  (Okay, its only 1.5 miles each way, but when you're starving, it seems that much further...lol.)

At this rate, I'll be seeing a movie in the middle of March...hahaha.  At least its progress, right?

I've been mulling over more sentimental/emotional/body image things, but I'll save it for now.  My confidence in myself and in my body seems to be on a roller coaster.  One minute I'm feeling sexy and confident in my new body, and the next minute I'm craving my sweatpants and finding myself wanting to hide in the apartment.  1 day at a time I guess.  :)

Current weight: 152 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 4 pounds

pointsPLUS

-1 pound!  yay!

We didn't eat out at all this week, and I found some lean cuisines on sale at Safeway to make my lunch choices at work better.  Been eating a lot of rice.  Haha, its cheap here.  :)

I've also been drinking a lot of green tea, though I have no idea if that actually is a successful contributing factor.  Doc Woods, my WSU doctor, recommended that I take green tea extract pills, because even though doctors aren't exactly sure what it is about them, they all agree that they contribute to healthy weight loss.  So I can only assume that drinking the stuff does the same, right?  :)

I'm setting a mini-goal for myself this week to walk somewhere everyday.  It won't necessarily have to be a big epic walk, but I'm going to walk at least 15 minutes each day.  I'll get Justin to think of a prize if I succeed, and start tomorrow!  :)  Goals are so much easier to attain if there's something awesome at the end.  Maybe poke for dinner at the end of the week?  Haha.

I've been considering walking to work, but it sucks to work at 5 AM and walk.  Its 3.2 miles away. If I ever have a daytime shift, I think I'll give it a try.  :)

A teacher friend of mine here did loan me all of her pointsPLUS (the new WeightWatchers program) materials to read through.  I found it very interesting, and WAY more "well-rounded" than the previous plans have been.  I'm considering looking into the online tools portion of the program--though, that mostly depends on how much it costs!  But it would be nice to finally become a lifetime member of Weight Watchers, and to learn the new program.  Though a small part of me is very hesitant to learn the new program.  But that's mostly a selfish part in that I may have to change certain eating habits...haha.

Current weight: 153 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 5 pounds

late post--no internet at the new place yet

-0.5 pounds.

Busy busy busy.  We moved to Kihei this week, though we still have stuff in Haiku.  I worked 6 days straight opening at the coffee shop (which I LOVE!)

I just have to be careful drinking my calories.  All of my drinks while I work are free....oye!  I've mostly been sticking to teas!  Calorie free! :)

Now that we're down in Kihei, there will be an abundance of walking (Justin has declared that we will not drive anywhere within 2 miles!), and hopefully we can start utilizing my days off for big hikes and such.  We're almost done transitioning, and then I can finish this thing.  AND finally get my damn movie!  lol.

Current weight: 154 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 6 pounds

I'm better than a half pound!

-0.5 pounds

Sad panda.  Wasn't as active this week as I could've been.  Starting work training and everything has been crazy and up in the air.  Walked on the beach yesterday to try and get my butt moving again.  By the way, its REALLY hard to walk long distances in sand!  I can't even comprehend how Matthew McConaughey runs in that shit...lol.

Next week will be better.  I just have to stay out of the coffee at work.  I'm pretty disappointed that I'm working for a place that had hardly any sugar free options.  Just 2 "No sugar added" options, and the nutrition online is pretty vague.  I get free drinks all the time, but don't have many "safe" options.  Oh well!  :)

Current weight: 154.5 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 6.5 pounds

I definitely almost published this in the paradise blog...whoops!

-1 pound.  :)

I know I was capable of more, butttttt, happy hour at Moose McGillycuddy's happened, and I had two very large, very fatty drinks there.  That's okay.  I made that choice, and I'm okay with it.  

Other than that, I've been fabulously good.  Did I mention how easy it is to eat well here when you can just eat fresh fish all the time?  We went to this pita place the other day, and I had fresh, raw ahi in my pita.  Freaking fantastic.

The day I got married--
The heaviest I've been

I was thinking about myself as a whole this morning, about how far I've come, and how I don't have that much further to go.  :)

As of today, I've lost 69 total pounds.
In Biggest Loser style, that's a total percentage of weight loss of 30.8%.
I'VE LOST NEARLY A THIRD OF MY FORMER SELF.  That is a crazy weird thing to think about.

My freshman year in high school--
The skinniest I've been

ANNDDDD...I'm a mere 10 pounds away from not being overweight anymore.  I think back to the early days of this blog, when I was counting down to not being obese anymore...and now I can see the line of normal/overweight.  For final goals, I'm hoping to rest somewhere around 130, which is pretty close to the middle of my BMI range.  :)


Current weight: 155 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 7 pounds

Good start!

-2 pounds!

Being active here has to be one of the easiest things in the world.  Hiking is fantastic, and yes, of course I want to go find a waterfall that I can swim in (possibly even naked if we're alone...haha.) 

The whole outside is my gym, I don't have to worry about it being cold, and any place we could want to sight see can easily be made into exercise that doesn't even seem like exercise.  I'm excited, because I think I'm finally going to finish this thing.  :)

We went to two different waterfalls this week, both were extremely hard to get to, but so worth it once we got there.  Check out thepiepersinparadise.blogspot.com for pictures of the places we've been.

New Goal:  As soon as I get to -10 pounds, we're going to the movies!  :)  They're pretty expensive, and there isn't a theater close to us either, so it will be a goal treat.  I always liked the little goals better--made the whole journey seem that much more attainable.

Current weight: 156 pounds
Going to the movies weight to lose: 8 pounds

And your current weight is....

beep....beep....beep....beep....beep....beep....GASP!  *Bob slaps his cheeks with both hands*

lol, we just watched Biggest Loser the other night.  If you haven't seen it, the above will seem crazy to you...

So, my value village scale says that I weigh...
158 pounds!

...huh?

I made Justin came over and check that I was reading that right.  He said it was right in between 157 and 158.  (From now on, I'm just going to round up, since this is a normal scale and not a digital scale like the wii.)

So on September 17th, I weighed 162.7.  I've lost almost 5 pounds since then?!

Believe me, you're as shocked as I am.  I was expecting a 5, possibly even a 10 pound weight gain, based on how I've been eating and how I see myself in the mirror.


After the disbelief went away, then the hope came in.  I didn't lose myself!  I'm still on track!  I can do this!  :)

Justin told me the other night when we were talking that he felt like I had lost the confidence in myself that he had seen before.  And I think he's right.  When I look in the mirror, I'm seeing someone who has gained a lot of weight again, and I'm not loving myself anymore.  I saw fat, fat, fat.  How sick is that?  The human brain is powerful, that's for sure.  Also just means I'm slightly crazy...lol.

The other day when we went hiking, I put on my bathing suit for the first time here--I felt gross.  And it made me grumpy, and self-conscious, and I didn't want to go out.  I've gotta learn to work through that.


Here's to new beginnings....again.  Here's to finally finishing this thing once and for all, and as Justin keeps saying, "Here's comes the two piece bikini!"  (I even shook my head as I typed that....lol.)

aloha!

There's nothing like moving to a place that requires you wear clothes that show your body all of the time.  Wearing my bathing suit yesterday nearly caused an anxiety attack.

I bought a scale at Value Village today.  We didn't bring the wii with us, so I won't be using the wii fit to weigh myself anymore.

First weigh in tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry if I let anyone down by "pausing" my journey.  I don't like to use the word quit because I still don't entirely view it that way, even though I know I've gained.  Denial.  I definitely let myself down.

But I'm checking the self loathing at the door, and starting anew once again. 
I wonder how many times I will say that in my life?  God knows I've already said it plenty.  Doesn't matter.

I'm only living in the present.  And the present is me finishing this immediate process and loving myself.  And then I only have to maintain my journey for the rest of my life, right?  :)